Complaints Indicate Commitment
Developmental psychologist and author, Robert Kegan once stated that, “Behind every complaint lies a commitment.”
The theory behind this is that people do not complain about something unless they care about it. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t bother to comment.
Sometimes, I am very hard on my credit union. I love what they stand for, and want them to live up to it. But every time they fall short of their high standards I am all the more disappointed. So I complain. But unless things get too bad, I am fiercely loyal to them as long as I believe that they are doing their best to live up to their brand promise. Companies that I don’t think care, I don’t bother to contact with complaints - I just leave and go elsewhere, silently.
Complaints often spring from a person’s frustration. Attempts to voice their frustrations often come out as complaints. As the person receiving the complaint, it can be seen as a negative (oh no, what a pain) or as a positive (this person cares about my franchise and believes it can be better). The perspective you bring to the complaint will make a huge difference in what you do with it.
Although you are on the receiving end of the belligerence, you are also the one in control. It is up to you to turn things around, and it will definitely benefit both parties.
How can you turn a complaint around? Change the dynamic by changing the way you listen.
If you can create an atmosphere of safety and allow full expression, then several things happen.
- The relationship stays strong

- The speaker no longer feels victimized, but is now empowered
- The complainer is no longer part of the problem, they are part of the solution
- You become known as a good listener
- More importantly… You have accessed new information
- The complaint is turned inside out, becoming useful data
- This constructive feedback can improve systems and operations
The potentially disagreeable situation can be turned around, by the way that you chose to see and respond to it.
You have shifted the complainer from being a problem to being a part of the solution.
Open ears and an open mind are very welcome to an agitated speaker; it leaves them feeling heard as well as reinforcing the feeling that you are committed to your brand promise. This creation of a safe space will work wonders to diffuse the frustration of the beleaguered grouch.
Who in your franchise complains a lot?
Why do they bother?
Are they trying to make things better?
Are they committed but caught up in feelings of frustration?
Even when a complaint appears as a self-centered attempt to increase profits, bear in mind that you can turn the situation around, and use the feedback to benefit you both. And yes, I know that not every complaint indicates commitment, but I have found been impressed by how some of our customers have managed to add huge value to their franchises by changing their perspective on how they receive complaints.
Remember, if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t complain.
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